I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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