so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
