i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
