So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
