We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
