5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
