i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
