You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize