maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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