you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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