found the other keg... it's in the tree
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
