I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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