hotel room ftw
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
