Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
