you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
