you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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