Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
