You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
