whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
