I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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