Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
