So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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