Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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