I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
