He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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