I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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