he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
