seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
