K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
