Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
