Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
