Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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