so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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