His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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