you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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