just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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