you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's Friday. Sex?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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