My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I party with great urgency now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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