my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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