just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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