Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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