I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
