he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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