I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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