and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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