For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
