Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
