woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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