If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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