somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
