what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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