I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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