Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
