Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
