You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
