Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
