you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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