Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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