She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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