We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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