Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
