Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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