is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
