I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
