How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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