we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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