just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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