Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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