Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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