just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
