A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
