I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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