planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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