The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
