Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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