Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
