So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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