Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
