So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
