We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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