We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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