It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
