I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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