I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize