I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
