You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
