Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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