I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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