whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
